A recent submission:
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Perfectionism- An Emotional Poverty
Just the other day, I realized a great truth about something that has
been a part of my life ever since I can remember- perfectionism. I wrote this
note:
"I've
struggled with perfectionism most of my life- and even after I have tried to
give it up, I still find it in other areas of my life that, after realizing its
there, I wish it weren't. I see how ugly it is once its brought into the light
and is used in relationships. I've realized that, most of the time, it causes
separation, not growth in community- because Jesus didn't call me to be
perfect. He called me to do my best and to love others. I'm learning to deal
with perfectionism. And tonight Jesus just
revealed to me that perfectionism is an emotional poverty- it alienates, it
degrades, it is not what Jesus has planned for us. As creative people. As his
followers. As leaders. As servants. And it robs me of the ability to
perceive something as beautiful; In order to meet my unattainable goals, I
always strive for more and never give myself the chance to just sit down, look
at the work that has been done, and call it good.
And perceive its beauty. And rest in it.
I hate to think of all the situations where I have missed out on a gift Christ
was trying to give me because I didn't think it was good enough. That makes me
so sad to think of. How many relationships have been hurt by the fact that I
expect way more of myself and others than even Christ expects? I am praying for
times in the future where I will finally begin to understand the phrase
"share in my joy." How many times have I missed that chance in my
life? Countless I'm sure. Perfectionism- what is its root? Pride. MY idea. MY
worth. MY standard. It asks more of people than even Christ asks of them, and
who has the right to do that? No one. (even though most of the time I act as if
I do.) So. I'm really sorry Jesus for asking more than you expect me to. And
for thinking I have to be anything more than just Your child who rests and
delights in Your ways and Your plan and Your life and love. You are enough.
Please rid me continually of the assertions in my mind that something must be
perfect to be seen as beautiful. It's a disgrace to Your kingdom and Your work
that you finished- you already called it
"good". Why do I have to double check it? Love you Jesus."
Then just today, God showed me this beautiful truth that has given me
freedom:
I expect so much of others and judge others and expect them to be
perfect only because I am so judgmental of myself.
I had never realized that before. I am
constantly judging myself. And that is the root of my perfectionism. WE ARE NOT
CREATED TO JUDGE OURSELVES. I never knew that! (Let alone lived it!) I had been
telling myself lies for my whole entire life- that I wasn't working hard
enough, that I was making too many mistakes, that if I don't get it right, I
won't succeed, that I have to succeed to be loved and be worthy- all of these
things that go through the mind of perfectionists constantly. (If you've
struggled with perfectionism, you probably know exactly what I mean.) Even if I
don't realize it's happening, all of these thoughts are constantly going
through my head. BUT THEY DON'T HAVE TO! Who knew?! Paul to the Corinthians
said "I don't even put myself of trial and judge myself." (1 Cor.
4:3). And he's one of my favorite apostles who I view a "perfect"
example. And he didn't even judge himself! That brings me true freedom. That I
don't have to judge myself- that God loves me and I am created to be loved no
matter how many mistakes I make or how many accusations I hold against myself.
I am so
thankful for the people in my life who have been merciful to me when I am so
hard on them. I pray that they know that I am thankful for them. Because the
only reason I was so harsh on them was because I held the same view of myself-
that nothing I could do would ever be good enough.
So if you are
a perfectionist- Is your soul weary?
HAVE MERCY ON
YOURSELF AND LET OTHERS BE MERCIFUL TOWARD YOU AND SOAK IN YOUR MISTAKES- TAKE
THEM AS A CHANCE TO GROW. Let Christ lead you into freedom. He doesn't even
judge you as harshly as you judge yourself. He loves you tremendously. And
anything you do that you think is right or wrong or whatever- it doesn’t
matter. Let Christ lead you.
A long time
ago I tried dancing- swing dancing to be exact. And I could never let the guy
lead. It just never worked. And now I realize- it was because I was trying to
make it be perfect. If I just let the Leader lead and just go along for the
ride, I will probably have much more fun dancing and actually enjoy myself along the way. You- cut yourself
some slack. You are loved. The dance might be intricate but the Leader knows
the steps. Just follow along.
So if you
know someone who is a perfectionist or who expects more out of you than you
ever think should be expected- please remember to have mercy on them. They are
dealing with a great poverty. It might just be that, like me, the only reason
they are harsh toward you is because they are even more hard on themselves than
they are on you. Please love them and show them the Grace of God as they learn
to love themselves (mistakes and all) and love others! Thank you for showing
mercy. It will change someone's life one day. Amen.
YOU WEREN'T CREATED TO BE PERFECT. YOU WERE CREATED TO LOVE AND BE
LOVED. A TYPE OF LOVE THAT COVERS ALL MISTAKES.
"I came
that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till
it overflows)." -Jesus Christ, my King, Vindicator, and Merciful
Always-Loving Judge
Struggle with
perfectionism? This video helped bring me so much freedom:
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Have any comments, responses, or thoughts about this submission? Ode would love to hear your thoughts or have you submit something as well! Email us at ode@odetotheforgotten.org
